No, I am not abandoning my Zutara piece, The Penance Series.

No, I am not abandoning my other huge ATLA fic, Lotus Resiliens. I'm working on it right now, as a matter of fact. I've invested too much time plotting and planning to simply let it fall by the wayside.

No, I am not abandoning my WHR fic, Hieros Gamos, either.

I know I am a horrendously slow updater. It has to do with how busy I am IRL. But rest assured, I am not abandoning any of my fics. The only ones you won't see continued are the ones clearly marked "one-shot".

If you'd actually leave signed-in messages, I would be able to respond to you directly with these answers. Why ask a question without any way for me to contact you to answer? If you didn't want an answer to the question, why would you ask it in the first place?

:/

I realize I don't say much about my pregnancy lately, especially now that I'm getting down to the wire (soon to be 37 weeks on Saturday!), but it doesn't mean I don't have thoughts on it. Oh boy, do I have thoughts.

A lot of them are worries, understandably. Will I tear during delivery? Will I have to have a c-section? Will I be able to breastfeed successfully? Will I be able to soothe him when he cries? Will I be *that* sleep-deprived that I'll do something stupid like put him in the washing machine and start it on spin cycle?

And ultimately I know that I'm worrying about what every potential new mom must worry about, and that a lot of these worries are unfounded - and even if they're not, there's ways around issues that may come up. I know there will be a lactation consultant in the hospital; I know I'll heal after whatever I end up going through; I know eventually childcare will get easier. It will just get harder before it gets easier.

But despite all the worries and concerns, and the discomfort - because it *is* getting remarkably uncomfortable now, at nearly full-term - I have to say I'm really, really really happy that I'm doing this. I'm happy because John and I are going to be a family, instead of a couple. I'm happy because I will have someone to teach and take care of as he grows, and while he will be his own person, I can instill in him those things that my parents instilled in me, and their parents before them. I'm happy because I waited until the right time in my life to do this, with the right person, and at the right point in my career, when we are comfortable enough financially for me to take as long as a year off after he's born to raise him. (My work is pretty generous with maternity leave policy.)

I think I'm most amused by my cats' reactions. They actually have little tussling fights with one another to determine who gets to sit closest to me. They follow me from room to room, meowing and chirping incessantly, like they're aware that something momentous is going to happen any day now and they're a bit anxious because of it.

And while I can't wait to have him here, I'm going to miss little things about the pregnancy. I'm going to miss his kicks and his wiggling and turning. I'm going to miss my (now gigantic) round belly, and the way maternity clothes are so very comfortable. I'm going to miss the random conversations with strangers (some of whom have kids, some of whom don't), everywhere we go, whether it's gentle inquiries, or unsolicited advice (usually humorous, in the form of an exasperated parent whose kid is having a meltdown and they turn to us and say in not so many words, see what you're getting yourself into?), or even just knowing smiles.

I can only hope that I do a good job as a parent. But knowing that I'm going into this willingly, with my eyes wide open, and doing it for the right reasons, makes me think that my hope isn't so unfounded after all.

Gong Hay Fat Choy!






Oh, also, we got married today. :D Yay!!

Groundhog Day will forever have new meaning. ♥

Bought this for baby:




Yeah, I'm hopeless. AT LEAST HIS HEAD WILL BE WARM

Had a wonderful holiday! Mom & stepdad just left after 3 days, and now our house feels a little empty.

Our haul this year was amazing:

- baby clothes and blankets from Dad
- cash (an absurd amount; I think we netted close to $1K this time...sadly, 80% will go into savings for baby!)
- crockpot from bro (I can't wait to cook with it)
- Xbox Kinect system + Dance Central from John's sisters (demo'd it on Christmas day - ohmygod so fun)
- lotions and knicknacks, including some wonderful soaps and belly butter..yummm
- food & drink, of course
- Samsung HD handheld camcorder for John (from me)
- alarm clock & sound therapy system
- rocking chair for the baby's room (from Mom & stepdad)

and this:





1.68 ct. sapphire and diamonds on platinum. He finally made an honest woman out of me. ;)

We decided we'd put off the wedding celebration until after the baby's birth. But for now we'll get the paperwork done, and make it official. (I guess this means I need to change my name. Eeek!)

Welll, obviously it's December already, and...I haven't finished as much fic as I would have liked to. On top of work and Thanksgiving and getting sick in the midst of it, it just wasn't as prolific a month as it could have been for me.

That said, I'll still be continuing this task through December...so continue to expect updates. Sometime.

In baby news, Bunny is kicking up a storm lately, mostly directed at my bladder. But I like feeling him; it's a sense of security. I'm thinking of doing the headphones-on-the-belly thing this weekend and seeing if he likes classical music. (I do notice he likes ambient/trance on the car ride into work, as he kicks profusely.)

...Someone made a video (an AMV) inspired by The Penance Series:




Kinda dark, but I like it...Zuko looks kind of evil in some takes. I saw a couple of scenes from the story fleshed out in manips of canon moments. Awesome!

 

Tomorrow is our 3D detailed ultrasound appointment. This is the detailed anatomy ultrasound, where not only will they check all of baby's limbs/organs, but also gender. Tomorrow we will know whether we're having a boy or a girl.

I seriously have no idea how I'm going to sleep, tonight.

...Except that I'll probably sleep pretty well, because I've been having these awful headaches for days straight now, with no relief. The only relief seems to be sleep. Ugh.

Also, belly is getting huge. Am having to oil up every day with pumpkin seed oil and olive oil balm. John says I smell like something to be sauteed.

Oh, and I felt the baby move last week! It felt like it was kickboxing in my stomach. I had no idea my belly doubled as a makeshift dojo.

Hokay. Back to writing? Writing with a splitting headache sucks.

Yayyy, 15 weeks! :D We are over 1/3 of the way to being done and having Bunny here. Booo, still gagging on my toothbrush.

Fortunately my morning (evening) sickness has abated enough that I'm able to cook a few nights a week, again. Initially I was too sick to even think about preparing food, but last week I made a German red cabbage and sausage soup, and North African baked salmon with herb-roasted fingerling potatoes. Tonight John is picking up Afghani food from a local takeout place. Ohmygod, can I just tell you how excited Kadu (roasted pumpkin with yogurt and meat sauce) makes me. asgdklgj;asldk.

Halloween is coming up, and unlike last year I don't think we have the energy for a party. We do plan on dressing up and handing out candy, though, and we've decided on a costume combo of farmer John, and myself dressed as a peapod (with the belly being the "pea"). XD I will be sure to include pics.

More tests coming up in the next few weeks, and while I'm a little nervous, I'm also really excited to find out the gender. Boy bunny or girl bunny? We shall know definitively very soon. :D

Working furiously on fic. I have so much to catch up on, it's not even funny. (natty1, I haven't forgotten my promise to you with regard to my WHR fics. Expect a monster update in that fandom relatively soon!)

♥