Pro-pregnancy post.
Mar. 23rd, 2011 10:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
misoraI realize I don't say much about my pregnancy lately, especially now that I'm getting down to the wire (soon to be 37 weeks on Saturday!), but it doesn't mean I don't have thoughts on it. Oh boy, do I have thoughts.
A lot of them are worries, understandably. Will I tear during delivery? Will I have to have a c-section? Will I be able to breastfeed successfully? Will I be able to soothe him when he cries? Will I be *that* sleep-deprived that I'll do something stupid like put him in the washing machine and start it on spin cycle?
And ultimately I know that I'm worrying about what every potential new mom must worry about, and that a lot of these worries are unfounded - and even if they're not, there's ways around issues that may come up. I know there will be a lactation consultant in the hospital; I know I'll heal after whatever I end up going through; I know eventually childcare will get easier. It will just get harder before it gets easier.
But despite all the worries and concerns, and the discomfort - because it *is* getting remarkably uncomfortable now, at nearly full-term - I have to say I'm really, really really happy that I'm doing this. I'm happy because John and I are going to be a family, instead of a couple. I'm happy because I will have someone to teach and take care of as he grows, and while he will be his own person, I can instill in him those things that my parents instilled in me, and their parents before them. I'm happy because I waited until the right time in my life to do this, with the right person, and at the right point in my career, when we are comfortable enough financially for me to take as long as a year off after he's born to raise him. (My work is pretty generous with maternity leave policy.)
I think I'm most amused by my cats' reactions. They actually have little tussling fights with one another to determine who gets to sit closest to me. They follow me from room to room, meowing and chirping incessantly, like they're aware that something momentous is going to happen any day now and they're a bit anxious because of it.
And while I can't wait to have him here, I'm going to miss little things about the pregnancy. I'm going to miss his kicks and his wiggling and turning. I'm going to miss my (now gigantic) round belly, and the way maternity clothes are so very comfortable. I'm going to miss the random conversations with strangers (some of whom have kids, some of whom don't), everywhere we go, whether it's gentle inquiries, or unsolicited advice (usually humorous, in the form of an exasperated parent whose kid is having a meltdown and they turn to us and say in not so many words, see what you're getting yourself into?), or even just knowing smiles.
I can only hope that I do a good job as a parent. But knowing that I'm going into this willingly, with my eyes wide open, and doing it for the right reasons, makes me think that my hope isn't so unfounded after all.
A lot of them are worries, understandably. Will I tear during delivery? Will I have to have a c-section? Will I be able to breastfeed successfully? Will I be able to soothe him when he cries? Will I be *that* sleep-deprived that I'll do something stupid like put him in the washing machine and start it on spin cycle?
And ultimately I know that I'm worrying about what every potential new mom must worry about, and that a lot of these worries are unfounded - and even if they're not, there's ways around issues that may come up. I know there will be a lactation consultant in the hospital; I know I'll heal after whatever I end up going through; I know eventually childcare will get easier. It will just get harder before it gets easier.
But despite all the worries and concerns, and the discomfort - because it *is* getting remarkably uncomfortable now, at nearly full-term - I have to say I'm really, really really happy that I'm doing this. I'm happy because John and I are going to be a family, instead of a couple. I'm happy because I will have someone to teach and take care of as he grows, and while he will be his own person, I can instill in him those things that my parents instilled in me, and their parents before them. I'm happy because I waited until the right time in my life to do this, with the right person, and at the right point in my career, when we are comfortable enough financially for me to take as long as a year off after he's born to raise him. (My work is pretty generous with maternity leave policy.)
I think I'm most amused by my cats' reactions. They actually have little tussling fights with one another to determine who gets to sit closest to me. They follow me from room to room, meowing and chirping incessantly, like they're aware that something momentous is going to happen any day now and they're a bit anxious because of it.
And while I can't wait to have him here, I'm going to miss little things about the pregnancy. I'm going to miss his kicks and his wiggling and turning. I'm going to miss my (now gigantic) round belly, and the way maternity clothes are so very comfortable. I'm going to miss the random conversations with strangers (some of whom have kids, some of whom don't), everywhere we go, whether it's gentle inquiries, or unsolicited advice (usually humorous, in the form of an exasperated parent whose kid is having a meltdown and they turn to us and say in not so many words, see what you're getting yourself into?), or even just knowing smiles.
I can only hope that I do a good job as a parent. But knowing that I'm going into this willingly, with my eyes wide open, and doing it for the right reasons, makes me think that my hope isn't so unfounded after all.
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no subject
Date: 2011-03-24 05:11 am (UTC)Though parenthood isn't for me (I wouldn't wish my mental illnesses on my worst enemy let alone an innocent child--same goes for the birth defects my anti-depressants can cause), I do care about people. I truly believe that every child deserves to be loved and wanted, the way my siblings and I were.
I can just tell your baby will have that. He is so lucky. ♥
And he's a baby #1, like I was! 8D
no subject
Date: 2011-03-24 05:27 am (UTC)The one thing I don't doubt is that my baby will know he's loved. He may not be a perfect little angel, but there's nothing wrong with loving someone imperfect. We all are, anyway.
Thank you for saying he will be lucky! :)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-24 05:32 am (UTC)My cousin who was preggo with her first and was due late next week, delivered 10 days early on Saturday to a gorgeous baby boy. My cousin is head over heels in love with him and says that everything leading up to the birth is a blur and that she most vividly remembers the moment they placed him on her belly moments after he was born. His father (who is half Korean and the baby got a thick head of dark hair from his daddy!) is just in awe and crazy in love with his new son and has fallen in love with my cousin all over again.
While you may miss your pregnancy when your little bunny arrives, the end result is worth every moment of uncertainty and doubts. But like I said before, you and John are going to be amazing parents!
Can't wait to meet your little guy if you decide to share pics with us once he arrives!
no subject
Date: 2011-03-24 05:46 am (UTC)Definitely--every time he sees you and feels you holding him. ♥
but there's nothing wrong with loving someone imperfect. We all are, anyway.
Very true--I have a shit ton of emotional issues, but I'm grateful that my parents love me.
Thank you for saying he will be lucky! :)
Well, it's true! ♥
no subject
Date: 2011-03-24 06:00 am (UTC)She was like you, saying she was worried if she'll be good enough, etc, etc, and the friend said, "You'll be a good a parent because you do worry and you do care about your actions".
I totally agree, in just caring, and worrying, you're already showing how great a parent you'll be and are willing to be. Good luck, hon. :)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-24 06:18 am (UTC)I know you can be a great mom to him.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-14 02:16 am (UTC)Seriously, you'll be great. And the first time he opens his eyes and looks at you with those baby blues, nothing else will matter. *hugs*